From the Into the Light Walk Facebook Page:

I just spent $44.19 on groceries. All essentials for wlking 20+ mi a day in what is now 100 deg heat. Last nt I got a msg that my $20/mo txting plan is set to exp in 2 days. I use it for my nightly chk-ins w/ a friend so someone always knows where I am. I don’t have enough $ to renew the plan. If you can help, please donate online or text me (in the next day) at 917-903-5870 to pay this $20 directly 2 Verizon.

Thank you!

Alan

The past week and a half have been physically challenging, emotionally powerful, financially strapping and full of surprises and wonderful people who have helped me get from Madras to Vale, Oregon where I am at present. In just a few days I will be arriving into the Boise area. And next Sunday the 6th I will be performing the new play When People Lead, which I’ve been working on almost every day since Madras. I’m excited about the days ahead, but here as I’ve been doing, let me share just a few of the highlights of this most recent leg of the walk.

The first long stretch I've encountered between Madras and Prineville where I realized towards the end I didn't have enough water! I got a bad cramp in my right foot as a result.

Mount Jefferson in the distance.

Notice the blue tub. Thanks to Ian Nelson for this. It has been a great daytime home for my tent and extra water supply.

Next Gas 84 Miles - This was a long stretch that started in Prineville.

The Ochoco Reservoir.

Here we see Chris, a long distance biker I met at the Reservoir campground. He got a flat tire so I helped him with some duct tape Louis Flores gave to me before I started this walk. Chris walked with me for a few miles before hitchhiking back to Prineville to get a new tire.

Entering the Ochoco National Forest for a big mountain pass climb.

Ochoco Mountain Pass Summit - 4720'

Listening to Louder Than Words from Tick Tick Tick Boom as I descend from the Ochoco Mtns. Song given to me by Laura Wilcox (great social mvmt. song!), IPod given to me by Stephen Flowers. Powerful moment here for me!

Met another biker who was headed into the mtns. I just came from. He was riding from Colorado to Portland for a wedding!

The view coming out of the Ochoco Mountains.

The exposed rock layers are truly amazing. We're looking back in time!

I was tired when taking this photo, but something in me told me to capture this beautiful tree with the dramatic sky as its backdrop.

As I turned around, I was in awe at the image I saw. I'm now a few miles away from Mitchell and my feet hurt, it's going to get dark soon, I was walking up hills again at the end of the day - ah, but this sky!

Equality Cart shines!

Full Equality NOW! in its rightful place - at the end of the rainbow. I'm getting emotional right now thinking of our dreams for equality someday, through our efforts being realized.

Yup - this about sums up how I felt walking into Mitchell. Exhausted!!!

Arriving in Mitchell. It was so spooky! Twilight. Worn-in buildings. Reminded me of the movie Identity. So, I had to take a series of photos.

This hotel was actually very nice. I didn't stay there of course. I stayed in the public park in my tent.

Climbing the steep mtn. pass out of Mitchell I noticed this on the ground to keep bikers/hikers going.

The view as I continue the asent out of Mitchell.

OMG is right! This was one of the toughest climbs yet!

Summit out of Mitchell - 4369 ft. This was a great moment!

So much open space out here!

Welcome to Hotel Equality. This was the first night I heard coyotes howling in the distance as the sun set, which is their nightly ritual.

The sunset from my roadside villa.

The next morning - working on the new play, When People Lead. I've been spending 1-3 hours each day working on the play before I start my 8+ hour walking time. It's been tough.

Sonia and Michael saw me and the rainbow on the cart and pulled over. Michael shared a story of when he and his boyfriend at the time were discriminated against in California for being gay. Sonia was looking for her hat. We had a great chat! They totally lifted my spirits.

Crazy tree with everyone's shoes thrown on it. I'm not sure what the deal was here, but cool to see.

I have no idea what I was doing here. Maybe I was in awe of the rocks? Probably. Rocks are cool.

In the John Day Fossil Bed National Monument. This was breathtaking - another reminder of why queer people should be safe to live anywhere. Would you want to leave this is this was your home?

I walked through that, which is the east entrance to the John Day Fossil Bed area on Hwy 26 (the road I've been on since Gresham, OR).

Look at the beautiful scenery in the background. Isn't it just lovely?

Welcome to Prairie City! Where will I sleep tonight?

How about the Strawberry Mountain Inn? I met a young man named Tyler while walking through town. His grandparents Linda and Bill let me stay at their wonderful inn for the evening! They were great!

Linda in Prairie City connected me with Gus, an 89-year-old rancher just north of Unity. Gus was amazing! Over beers and pizza we talked well into the evening about New York ( where she's from and where I call home), politics, stories of our pasts and so much more. The next day we talked about gender identity/expression and sexual orientation.

While I was listening to Touch by Sarah McLachlan I rounded a corner and came upon a sign that said I was now entering the Mountain Time Zone. I immediately burst into tears. Getting the demand for full equality to every town and every countryside is what we need to do now, and I realized I am very much a part of that process.

Entering Vale, Oregon. Notice I'm now wearing the safety vest Bonnie and Jeff in Brightwood gave me. Some nice folks from the Dept. of Transportation I met this past week asked if I needed a vest because I was tan on a tan landscape. I realized, better to be safe and wear the vest.

As the sun began to set I asked myself, ‘Should I roll the cart off into the woods and do the usual roadside camping I’ve been doing in national forests during the first leg of this walk or should I push myself up the rest of the second mountain pass of the day and make it to the campground I see on my map? If I stop now I can get up early tomorrow, rehearse the new play I’m memorizing so it is one step closer to being ready for its premier in Boise and finish getting up this second mountain pass with a fresh pair of legs.’

Contemplating where my walking day should end, I continued climbing. The sun was setting behind me while my eyes began adjusting to the surroundings which grew darker by the minute. ‘Just keep climbing,’ said the body. This was the fourth or fifth mountain pass I’ve hit in the past couple of weeks as I’ve been traversing central Oregon on foot. The fear of what lurks in the dark has started to diminish. There was maybe one car on the road per hour – maybe. I was truly alone. The placid forest with its pine spires and openness between them made me feel as if I were in some kind of sanctuary with plenty of room for me to settle in anywhere at any point. All of the forests before the Malheur National Forest were wetter and more populated with fauna below the towering trees. Overall, the Malheur was much more welcoming than the forests to the west! ‘Keep climbing!’ The cues from my body, pushing me harder and harder up this second mountain pass won me over. I decided to put matter over mind and sunk into the motion of my body that wasn’t ready to give up for the day.

I made the decision – get to the campground.

And so I did, pushing up and up and up some more, knowing all the while that if I didn’t make it to the campground at the top of the pass I could easily set up the tent anywhere because of all the space between the trees.

About an hour later and with sparse light left in the sky, I arrived to the summit of the Blue Mountain Pass, elevation 5109 feet. It was all downhill from here, literally! I arrived at the campground just below the summit, pulled out my light, which is part of the bells and whistles in an American Red Cross emergency radio given to me by Marvin Davenport in New York City before I left to begin this trek (Thanks Marvin – the light comes in handy every day!) and quickly set up camp in what was now almost complete darkness.

As is per my nightly ritual, I tossed and turned on the hard ground in my tent trying to find a contour in the earth that suited my body for the evening’s rest. While slowly settling in each night I then hear critters outside my tent scurry about as I quiet down. This night I heard a swoop right above me followed by the light steps of what had to be a decent sized avian creature. And as the wind whipped up and down the mountains from the pressure gradient changes that come just after dark, I wondered if I was alone. The campground was on a slope and I was just at its entrance. I felt alone. The wilderness is vast. But I never know. Then, like most nights, I told my body – ‘sleep’ and it obeyed my command.

Around 3 AM, like clockwork I began to feel the pressure of a full bladder. The colder it gets the more the body wants to move fluids out of it so it has less to keep warm. I lay there for a few minutes contemplating whether the sensation will dissipate, which it does not and zip open the tent to empty the tank. Then I looked up and above the cathedral spire-like silhouettes I saw the majesty of a crystalline night sky. I swore I could see the stars slowly moving across the night dome. All now in me and around me was still. And in this stillness as I gazed heavenward I felt peacefully insignificant. The second half of my sleep was markedly better than the first.

Morning arrived and I engaged in my beginning of day ritual that keeps me feeling like I am still part of a civilized society, though I know by now I’ve stepped quite far outside much of what is seen as a normal existence. I eat raisin bran with water out of a collapsible bowl. I move my bowels to get as much out of me as is possible so I’m not stuck below the privacy of the timberline with an urge to evacuate. I rinse some of the previous day’s salt build up off of my skin with some water and a wash cloth, brush my teeth, pack up the tent and survival belongings back onto Equality Cart and begin stretching per the recommendation of my sister, the physical therapist Jessica Nadraga. For this leg of the journey, I then start rehearsing the new play. This day the road is just a few feet from my campsite. It is becoming active and I find it hard to concentrate. I’m also quite achy from such a long haul the day prior. But I persevere.

About halfway through rehearsing and during a period of quiet on the road my eye caught a man on a pedal bike emerge from the campsites above me on the hill. I waved to him as he saw me talking to the trees. He then noticed the “Full Equality NOW!” rainbow sign on the side of the cart and as many do asks me what I am doing. I shared with him that I am walking for gender and sexual orientation equality. (If you’ve been following this journey’s posts you’ll notice that seems to be the best opening line I’ve come up with so far.) He approached me as I explained in more detail where I started the trek, where I’m headed in the near future and where the walk is scheduled to conclude. As he approached me I could see his silver hair under his biker helmet. To myself I guessed that he was probably in his 50s or 60s. I asked him where he was travelling to and from. He shared that he was riding from western Oregon to Wisconsin where he will meet up with his family to celebrate his father-in-laws 90th birthday. I was amazed! I’ve met quite a few long distance bikers so far, but none braving the elements and terrain on cycle at his age!

Then, unexpectedly he shared with me that his daughter is a lesbian. He said she and he like all the same things. But, he just can’t understand how God could make a mistake. I asked him to expound upon this, which led into a discussion about what the Bible says about homosexuality. During this part of the conversation I kept hearing myself tell myself, ‘Alan, keep quiet. Let him speak. Say just enough to maybe get him thinking, but don’t overwhelm him with the plethora of information you have about what the Bible really says – or rather what it does not say about homosexuality.’ I felt him pulling away from the conversation at one point, which caused me to move away from talk specifically about the Bible. I shared with him that much of what I’m doing while walking is holding vigils for people who have been murdered or who have taken their own lives due to gender or sexual orientation related hate. At the end of our conversation I’m not sure who benefited more, he or I.

Seeing his hesitation to delve too deep into his own feelings about his daughter’s sexual orientation and the schism that seems to be there between he and she made me realize – regardless of why people believe what they believe – no matter how often I encounter people out here who can’t expand the conversation about religion and sexuality beyond a couple of sound bites – I get it. There is a firmly rooted groupthink mentality, especially in communities such as many of the ones I’ve been walking through in Oregon. I shared some of this revelation with him, which led us to close the conversation in what seemed to be agreement about how, no matter what the groupthink mentality relates to, it can be dangerous to step outside of that place and stand in opposition to it, even if it means giving up closeness to family.

As he was preparing to leave I said to him that I hoped his relationship with his daughter continues to improve. He didn’t seem to recognize this final statement of mine. Or maybe he didn’t feel there really was a problem between them. Or maybe I overwhelmed him a bit. Who knows? In any case, I sensed we found common ground around the idea that no matter what the issue, it can be hard to go against the absolutist thinking of any consortium of people.

A moment later the biker walked away and then began riding down the mountain. As I resumed rehearsal I noticed him look back to me as he disappeared between the trees and the downward grade. As he rode out of view I thought (as I do most days) about the divide between some of my family and myself because of our differences on the subject of sexual orientation equality. Maybe they are caught in a groupthink state. Their born-again Christian faith that says I am going to hell for being a homosexual appears to be at the center of much of their lives. They attend church weekly, read the Bible on a frequent basis and surround themselves with like-thinkers. If they were to go against the teachings of their churches (the same style churches that promoted the disenfranchisement of non-whites in the past by the way) their whole concept of how the world works might have to change. And in that upheaval they would probably become distant to some of those who at present think as they do, which can be a painful experience.

I understand what it is like to go against groupthink. In 2008 some members of my family in Florida voted against my equal rights by voting for Amendment 2, which was Florida’s anti-marriage equality ballot initiative and others in my family who call themselves queer allies stayed silent when I asked them to voice their support for queer equality. When that happened I came unhinged. I never realized how easily it was for people who have known me since birth to discount me with a simple check at the ballot box. I’m the only gay person many in my family know, or think they know. Am I such a vial person? Do I not deserve what they have? I’m not demanding special rights. I’m demanding equality. I stepped outside of the groupthink in 2008 when I no longer played the polite son role.

Don’t discuss politics or religion in public ‘they’ say. ‘They’ are the people who hold power! I started saying DO talk about politics and religion. DO talk about whatever is on your mind. And DO demand through your own action what is your birthright – for me, full civil rights and full social equality – especially from those who have known you your entire existence on this planet. What are our families worth to us if we can’t talk about our need for equality with them? That became my mantra.

When I went outside the groupthink of ‘be polite’ I was vilified and ostracized by some in my family. No matter how I tried to approach them on the subject of equality they stayed firmly rooted in their groupthink that says gay=sin=hell. My hope is, while I’m out here having conversation after conversation with strangers on mountain tops who the night before I didn’t think were there, eventually I’ll have enough conversations that will lead to those people having conversations with others and then those people will go out and do the same and before long enough conversations about the need for queer equality and the gross misrepresentation of the Bible among many believers in regard to issues of sexual orientation will have taken place that someone will then talk to each member of my family who does not support queer equality. And maybe from someone else’s experience they will hear what I’ve been saying all along.

And if enough people are talking about what is really happening to queer people in America, how they are getting murdered, pushed into suicide by a system that treats them as second class, pressures them into staying silent as to not ‘upset’ people, then and ONLY then can we build the momentum we need to have our watershed moments towards full equality for queer people.

I can see the comments now – ‘Alan, don’t you think if people are to believe as you do about equality for queer people, then that as well is part of a groupthink mentality?’ My response would be yes. A world where we believe equality for queer people is good for our society is a groupthink state of mind. But, that is not the point. The point here is that I want to live in a world where those who would step outside any groupthink state are heard and respected. So, yes let’s shift the paradigm through our conversations and other actions so that queer equality is ours. And then, once we enter the world of equality, let us stay open to hear those who become the minority voice on this subject. The worst thing we could do to our families or anyone else is to shut them out as they have done to us.

Taking from Christian ideology – WWJD? He would open up conversations where differences of opinions flourish. At least that’s the Jesus I’ve read about in the Bible growing up in a born again Christian household. Maybe the Jesus being worshiped in contemporary Christian churches in the USA is a different Jesus. If so, I think that is highly unfortunate.

I feel blessed by the abundance of kindness I’ve received so far while walking. Sure, funds are always tight (at appx. $120 to get to Boise as of right now) but most everyone I meet is supportive of at least the idea that I would take off and walk long distances for something close to my heart. And quite frequently I find people who completely agree with me that we need a paradigm shift in our thinking about gender, gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation. Broader still, the conversations I have with people in their homes, on sidewalks, on the side of highways all point the same direction. We the people must take steps to transform our world so it is more sustainable and more people are enfranchised as equals. We must listen to each other and grow our communities from the inside out. We must talk to our neighbors and find ways to grow relationships with them. We must be involved in our local governments. We must be the solutions we seek on the state, national and international levels. I find that even if people haven’t quite grasped the need for gender equality yet – they get that things only change if the people make them change. And we are on the cusp of some major change that only we can make our reality.

Here are some photos showing the physical challenges of the past week or so along with some highlights that can only happen when you walk from community to community each day.

Getting towards the top of the base of Mt. Hood - what a walk!

Thinking I'm at the highest point of the day.

Realizing I still have a ways to go before I'm done climbing huge hills around Mt. Hood.

Looking ahead towards Mt. Hood - I will get over the base of this giant!

Arriving at Government Camp. It's mostly downhill from here!

Like the sign says, Entering Warm Springs Indian Reservation. Two days walking without anyone around!

Halfway between the North Pole and the Equator on the Warm Springs Indian Reservation

Descending into a canyon in the rain at the end of a long walking day to get to Warm Springs. Was this a mistake?

View in the canyon.

Equality Cart needs a moment to contemplate the rest of the descent into the canyon. I give the cart its space.

Crazy coincidence! StoryCorps was recording oral histories at the Warm Springs fire department where I spend the night! I love them. It was great to meet their staff!

Inside the mobile StoryCorps sound booth. It's awesome!!! - Go to storycorps.org to learn more.

Paid a visit to the Warm Springs Museum on the way off of the reservation. The three tribes that came together on this reservation, the Warm Springs, Wasco and Paiute have a rich history.

The Deschutes River that carved the canyon at Warm Springs

Talking to some folks on the road side who saw me a few days prior in the Government Camp area.

Danish tourists take my photo while I'm resting after climbing out of the canyon.

Improvising to stave off the pain of having no tread left of my shoes. It's amazing what you can do with duct tape!

Spent a couple nights at the Nelson's house in Madras. Ian is one of the firefighters from Warm Springs. His wife Nina and two of their four children are in this photo as well. I miss you all already!

Three of the kids decided to make mud pies! I love this photo!!!!

I love the mud hats most of all! So adorable!!!

And now, on towards Mitchell, Oregon, about 47 miles from Prineville.

This morning Equality Cart and I are in the bathroom at an RV Park in Prineville, Oregon, where I camped last. I am at the sink finishing up getting ready for the day when a man comes out of one of the showers behind me, sees Equality Cart, scrunches his face a bit and asks me what the cart is for. I share with him, as I do to several people each day that I am walking across the country for gender and sexual orientation equality. He shares with me that his niece ‘decided’ she was gay and left her husband and children and in doing so created a lot of grief for the family. Now her children are being raised by her ex-husband and his new wife. He then opens the door and walks out of the restroom. The only response I can say before the door shuts behind him is, ‘I’m not doing that.’ Maybe he hears me as he takes off. Maybe not. Maybe him expressing himself is simply a reinforcement of his belief that people ‘decide’ to be gay, straight, bisexual or transgender.

Had this man given me just ten more seconds I would have asked him what bothered him more, that his niece left her family or that she were a lesbian. From there maybe we could have had a real conversation where we were both heard and respected. Instead, he walked away. I find quite often when people are agitated they do just as this man did. The walk away before a conversation can take place. What good comes from walking away? How can we ever grow a stronger sense of community if we don’t stay and talk with each other?

I found myself getting angry as he took off. Does he even know that one does not ‘decide’ to be gay just as one does not ‘decide’ to be straight? Is there anything about him that would help me understand his feelings on issues relating to gender identity or sexual orientation? I will never know. I was angry because I’m tired of people just walking away from the potential for a meaningful conversation. What is the real threat from talking? Really – what is it?

As I walked away from the RV park I continued to think about this brief encounter in the bathroom. And the anger stayed with me until I saw the above sign on the Prineville elementary school. “Anger is One Letter Short of Danger.” Is it? Anger is a powerful emotion. Anger can move people to action. Anger is often justified. And then I thought, while walking, what will anger lead to for me today? It could lead to me ruminating over this encounter and not paying attention to the cars and trucks that whiz by inches from Equality Cart and myself. It would definitely take away from me being in the moment enjoying the beautiful Central Oregon scenery. In short, it would take away from my life instead of add to it. So in this instance, anger could lead to danger and act as a vortex as it sucks energy from me that I need for walking long distances each day.

In the end, I chose to process the anger from this interchange and let. it. go.

Walking on!